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the prom queen is dead

the prom queen is dead
couldn’t deal with it all
so shot herself in the head

took her longer than you’d think         
to realise she hated her reflection       
in the mirror above the sink 

turns out her high school lover 
should’ve been left behind 
          instead of allowed to hover 

and that little plastic crown?
               just as fake as her friends               
albeit cheaper than her gown 

so just keep in mind                             the prom queen is dead
                    and you’ve been left behind

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faith?..

I’m thinking about the three upcoming chapel services we have at school and it’s making me a bit sick to my stomach.

In case you’re a bit confused, let me just clarify. I go to a boarding school which actively likes to keep up pretenses of being filled with good little Christian children. Now of course many students hold their belief in God close to their heart but then again, a good fraction are atheists or simply not Christians.

When I first came to this school, I was a devoted Christian. I prayed often and prided myself on reading a large, (extremely boring) kid’s bible. I even did my holy communion and got confirmed. But as I grew older, heard of the terrible things that happened around the world and started discussing what it really meant to be a Christian, my faith stared to fall apart.

After I realised I didn’t actually understand to who or why I was praying, I started questioning whether this was a legitimate lifestyle. I didn’t appreciate the way that Christianity had been force fed to me since I was a child, and now that I was asking questions, I wasn’t sure I liked the answers.

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those simple feelings of “ugh”

it’s summer so why aren’t I feeling warm and breezy? Maybe it’s due to the constant, wet drizzle of British rain, or just the fact that I’m still in school.

Whatever it is, it sucks. Big time.

I could put that down as the reason why I haven’t written in a while but the truth is, I’ve just been lazy.

I’m pretty sure I hit a new low last night, getting out of my bed every 20 minutes or so and then opening a can of coke at almost 1 AM just for the sake of having something to do. Evidently, this didn’t go too well with my sleeping schedule – especially as I have to get up at around 6 to go to school.

I’m not sure if I can last till Saturday for the holidays…

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‘Gossip’, the app.

we have so graciously been given yet another app manufactured to help the number of teens’ suicides and self harm skyrocket.

‘Gossip’, an app which has recently shooted to popularity in France (I guess that gives some insight on the people over there) causing many, as expected, emotional problems.

And to be perfectly honest, why wouldn’t it? Rumours have always been a given in teen life, whether it’s a text shared to your friends on the lines of “omg have u seen tht skirt it’s like soo ew” or something more serious like pretending someone has a mental illness. So now that these people can share fake, maybe malicious information online anonymously, why the hell wouldn’t they?

I’m just praying tho doesn’t spread anywhere else, I’d prefer teens to die of old age, thanks.

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this is not ok.

my friends and I have just put slices of toast in the oven because our tutor has taken away our toaster. We are organising a secret kebab delivery to our sports centre because we are not allowed to order food on weekdays. I have been distributing golden syrup weetabix to fellow friends as if I am a relief volunteer in the wake of a natural disaster. Why wasn’t I warned boarding school would be like this?

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chapel

chapel. Another one of the schools upheld pretenses to make the school seem like a place of discipline, education and respect (because Christ’s Hospital truly is “a school like no other”). Only a fraction of the school pupils actually have a faith and still some of those people are not Christians, therefore the chapel services we have twice a week have no relevance to them whatsoever. The school’s argument is that whether you believe in God, chapel is a good place to relax, think and have some quiet time. However, I’m pretty that could be just as easily achieve in my bedroom. 

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