I don’t want comfort. I want God. And I feel like too many tie those two together without any real forethought. But God is not answers. God, is a never ending spiral of questions that quench your thirst for wisdom.
I’m thinking about the three upcoming chapel services we have at school and it’s making me a bit sick to my stomach.
In case you’re a bit confused, let me just clarify. I go to a boarding school which actively likes to keep up pretenses of being filled with good little Christian children. Now of course many students hold their belief in God close to their heart but then again, a good fraction are atheists or simply not Christians.
When I first came to this school, I was a devoted Christian. I prayed often and prided myself on reading a large, (extremely boring) kid’s bible. I even did my holy communion and got confirmed. But as I grew older, heard of the terrible things that happened around the world and started discussing what it really meant to be a Christian, my faith stared to fall apart.
After I realised I didn’t actually understand to who or why I was praying, I started questioning whether this was a legitimate lifestyle. I didn’t appreciate the way that Christianity had been force fed to me since I was a child, and now that I was asking questions, I wasn’t sure I liked the answers.