2am thoughts.

I prefer the sunset to the sunrise. I am not mentally or physically ill. The most expensive thing I ever bought was a kindle. I don’t have a job. I am still in school. I’m a 50% introvert, 50% extrovert, it depends on my energy levels. When I see my body, there are some things I wish I could change. A song that I feel deeply is ‘Sweet Disposition – The Temper Traps’. I felt most alive running from a group of scary, older teens, laughing out loud with my friends. I’m not confident wearing a bikini. I find it hard to look people in the eye so I try extra hard and overcompensate. Nothing extremely terrible has happened to me so far. Nothing extremely wonderful has happened to me so far. My favourite part of my personality is, even if I don’t succeed, I’ll always try to make people laugh. My least favourite part of my personality is that if I’m in a bad mood, I’ll take it out people who have nothing to do with the situation. My favourite quote (at the moment) is “that is the definition of faith – acceptance of that which we imagine to be true, that which we cannot prove.” I have relationships with all genders. I have relationships with all sexualities. I have a wobbly relationship with my father. I have a warm relationship with my mother. I don’t have siblings. My only near death experience has been tripping over two stairs. I don’t know anyone who has taken their own life. I’ve never tried to take my own life. I 50/50 follow the Mary Magdalene/Holy Grail conspiracy theory. I respect the UK government but not the way the country is run. Not all my friendships are healthy. I’m currently fighting with a friend. I’m jealous of a friend for her easy going attitude. I believe in the illuminati. I don’t believe any celebrities are associated with the illuminati. When I’m nervous I scratch my skin or bite my lips or pull my hair or pace. I make sure people can’t tell when I’m sad. I sometimes express my true feelings. There are things I’ve never told anyone. I’ve committed four illegal acts. At age 5, I wanted to be a chef. I am the product of a broken relationship. I am a bastard (in the most literal sense of the word). I have been raised by both parents. I have brown eyes, black hair and dark brown skin. I can speak French, English, some Spanish and am learning Chinese. I try not to conform to societies standards. I cry more often than people think. I tell people what I think. I am not comfortable recovering compliments. I am more comfortable giving compliments. I can’t see very well so I have to wear very strong glasses. I have been wearing braces for three months. I try to keep up with current events. The last thing I have heard on the news is the subject of the migrants trying to cross the euro tunnel into the UK and the response of the UK government saddens me. Today I visited my grandma in the countryside near Calais. I have not slept well recently. I have hurt someone because I was hurting before. I’ve ended friendships before because they’ve been detrimental to the both of us. Someone has stopped me from hurting myself before. I like my laugh. I am a preparing for an apocalypse, mostly likely from a virus. I am an agnostic. I like to watch true crime movies. I would like to raise a family in England. I believe in marriage. I can’t remember the nicest thing someone has ever said to me. I was never able to keep a diary. I think if I did, some people would be hurt by it. My favourite movies are The Ciderhouse Rules and 500 Days of Summer. I try to look after myself. I have a birthmark the shape of a Nike tick on my right ankle. I try to put others first. I was happy today. I think I am loved by my friends and family.


35 thoughts on “2am thoughts.

  1. someoneuseless says:

    This post is stunning. I don’t know what else to say. It’s just the way you outlined your self and the randomness and honesty of all the sentences was somehow poetic.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Rei says:

    I really love this. It’s very honest and I appericiate that when you talk about yourself, you talk about the real stuff, the real you. I love this πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. huckleberryfrienduniverse says:

    Wow. I loved how effortlessly honest you are. (maybe it wasn’t effortless bit it seemed so, so that’s a win!) The way you have written this post made me feel like I actually know you. Like we have been friends for a long time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aha yeah I struggled a bit and thought twice about including some things but in the end I just went for it. Well I’m gonna take that as a good thing haha πŸ™‚ thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate it!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Aw thank you! Yeah, I was never a big fan of barriers, might as well just put it out there, right? Well I’m happy I interested you aha, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s okay and see I wish I had the confidence to be like that but I’m usually one of those types of people that bottle stuff up and don’t say anything and then whooooooosh i just explode XD Gawd that makes me sound weird…. But bottom line your posts are refreshing and honest πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • No you don’t understand, that is me haha!! It’s just here is a place where I can express myself before I explode xD. Not a lot of people I know know about this blog and I have a huge amount of trust in the people who do πŸ™‚


      • Same, I actually have another wordpress account and two old blogs that I don’t use anymore because I want to blog about stuff without people I know seeing because them i feel like I have to censor how I feel and it defies the point of having the blog as an outlet. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  4. oqu3 says:

    Before I start out, let me say that you took quite a inventory. You did a wonderful job. As a matter of fact, you spoke as if you were “inhabiting”. You don’t identify with the corporal (physical). This as if you were a alien being somehow placed, not only into a earthly body, but also into a earthly scenario of which you are doing your best to make sense of. This all is diagnostic (forget about agnostic). You love true crime films because; A crime was committed. You are trying to make sense of it all. Don’t buy into it, but do your best to respect everyone’s feelings. If you will pardon my saying, please visit and review some of my older posts, because I deal a lot with the mystery of life. And yes, thank you for stopping by and liking my post; “Program Changes”. Sincerely, much love; MAO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! Haha, I like the thought of being out of this world, there’s a poem that goes “if you ever feel out of place, it’s the universe complimenting you.” I will define they check your blog out, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. oqu3 says:

    Dear Emmamorica;
    Below is a link to a post I beg you to read. It deals with a majority of issues you address in your blog.
    With the info in it you (who have a large outreach to youth) will be able to assist a load of the young friends in your possession. Much luck in your blog.
    Oh yes, in case you don’t remember me “Program Changes” is who I am (post you liked).

    Liked by 1 person

      • oqu3 says:

        I was a teen once upon a time and didn’t get the help I needed. I sought a lot of detrimental avenues as a result. I have a tremendous burden for young folks. I also admire your representation of their voice. Keep up the great work you do.

        Liked by 1 person

      • oqu3 says:

        Dear emmamorica; I wish to clarify a point.
        You are not being used for your site. As I went about my business it occurred to me that I may have inadvertently given you that impression when I mention how you have a great voice among your peers. No in no way would I suggest that you reblog my stuff. Uh uh. I simply meant that if you found the material of the type which caused you to see more clearly your situation, enigmas, etc., and you came to the conclusion that you saw yourself fit to relate some of the terms which helped you…..
        That was entirely what I was intent on proposing to you because your audience finds healing and camaraderie in your voice.


  6. living words, and images... says:

    So beautiful… I agree there are times (esp. very early morning) when I write, and if I am emotional, tired, etc. the inner censor isn’t as prevalent. This is when something much more candid comes forward.

    Liked by 1 person

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